Posts Tagged ‘wabbit’

What Bassets Aren’t Allowed to Do

April 17, 2010

When I arrived at the P-A-R-K today with Alpha Dad and Sister Martian, there was a policeman trying to give people tickets for having their dogs off-leash during No Dogs Allowed hours.  Since I couldn’t read the No Dogs sign, I walked right into the P-A-R-K and luckily wasn’t caught be the policeman.  Unfortunately, some of my friends got busted by the strict cop.  I don’t understand why they won’t let dogs off-leash at the P-A-R-K after 9:00- nobody is ever there during the day and we’re not bothering anyone!  Some rules Rules in general don’t make any sense to me.

When I was entering the P-A-R-K, I ran into my friend and fellow basset: Chip.  Chip was heading back toward the parking lot with his parents.  In his mouth was a headless wabbit.  Chip was looking mighty pleased with himself, and he even let me take a sniff of his prize.  For some reason, his parents weren’t thrilled about Chip’s find.  Chip’s Dad kept trying to get him to drop the wabbit, but of course Chip wouldn’t do something that stupid.  What sort of basset hound would drop such a prize just because someone asked them nicely?  Unfortunately, Chip’s Mom proved to be a real Alpha Parent.  She grabbed the wabbit by the hind legs and yanked it out of Chip’s mouth, and then flung it off the trail.  Chip and I both gazed wistfully at the dead wabbit lying in the grass. 

The good news: there is always next time, assuming that Chip and I aren’t kept out of the P-A-R-K by some policeman who doesn’t like dogs.

Wabbit Food

April 3, 2010

I always beg for food under the table during dinner, and occasionally I will be rewarded afterwards with a share in the leftovers.  Tonight was one such lucky night.  My Alpha Parents placed some leftovers in my dish, and instantly my nose was twitching, trying to identify the scent.  Was it a fish skin?  No, I usually got to eat those before dinner.  Steak?  I hadn’t smelled any during the meal.  No, this was a new food.

The color was unnatural: white and shiny with a trace of blue.  I nudged it with my nose, only to find that the round object was slimy.  My room was no place to enjoy such a treasure, and I scooped it up with my mouth and walked into the kitchen.  I rolled the treat around in my mouth, still unsure as to what it was.  Was it a fruit or a vegetable?  Or perhaps something in between?

Resigning myself to the fact that I could not identify the treat, I decided that if it was People Food, it had to be delicious.  I dropped the snack onto the ground, contemplating my next obstacle: how to eat it.  Its round shape made it awkward to just take a bite out of it, because every time I tried to, the snack rolled an inch forward.  And the scent- I couldn’t get over how sharp the scent was.  It was something between mud and Cat excrement, or perhaps a combination of the two with salt on top.  With my teeth, I managed to scrape off slivers of the treat, which I nibbled up from the ground.

A surprise awaited me after I chipped off a few chunks of bluish-white slime.  A yellow sphere tumbled onto the ground.  It was slightly powdery, and it stuck to my teeth and tongue.  Sister Martian sat down next to me as I finished the remains of my leftover snack.

“Woody, are you enjoying your first Easter egg?”

I didn’t understand all of this question, but the word “Easter” prompted the word “Wabbit” in my head.  This food was associated with Wabbits?  The Easter Wabbit eats these slimy things?   I had heard that vegetables were wabbit food, but this did not appear to be a vegetable.  Perhaps the saying was wrong and wabbits ate this new food instead.  I had been lied to!

My stomach began to twist and gurgle.  Suddenly, I felt nautious.  I wandered into the living room and lay down on the floor, waiting for family movie night to begin.

Spring Break Woes

April 1, 2010

Today, I was hoping to get some beauty rest as usual while my siblings were at school.  Unfortunately for me, their spring break has begun, which is anything but a break for a basset hound who requires 22 hours of sleep per night!  Brother Pooch, Sister Martian, and Sister Fairy were all home today and kept me awake with their activities.

Around nine in the morning, all of my siblings came downstairs for breakfast.  I don’t have an alarm clock by my dog bed, but the toaster is just as efficient.  I was so groggy that I didn’t even want a bagel!  Then, my siblings turned on the television to watch game shows.  All of that clapping and the bright lights that illuminate the living room are enough to drive a hound dog crazy!

I tried to go back to my bed to escape the noise, only to find Cat sleeping there.  I walked right up to her and prodded her with my nose, but that Cat just rolled onto her back as though she were waiting for me to give her a belly rub!  Eventually, Cat took the hint and left, but now my bed reeks of Cat.  I even found a whisker lying there.  Yuck!

Brother Pooch was talking to me about Easter while he scratched behind my ears this afternoon.  I didn’t understand much of what he said, except for something about a bunny, which I know is synonymous with WABBIT!  A real-life WABBIT in the house- I can’t wait!  That’s going to be the best game of Chase ever!!!

Operation Bagel Snatcher

March 23, 2010

Alpha Mom is an excellent cook, but she doesn’t make dinner until Alpha Dad gets home.  I know what you’re thinking.  Every hound should have a snack after a long day’s snooze, right?  Tell that to Alpha Mom.  Sometimes a Hound Dog just has to take things into his own hands.  Thankfully, Sister Martian left a bagel (!!!) unattended on the table.

Sister Martian is the Protector of Bagels Everywhere.  In my house, it is a well-known rule, When The Bagel Supply Is Low, Thou Shalt Not Touch The Bagels.  As a Basset Hound, reading has never been a priority for me.  That’s not to say that I couldn’t be a scholar if I wanted to be, rather, I simply have no interest in all those squigglies on the page.  The bottom line is, I missed the Don’t Touch the Bagel Memo.  Besides, as Sheriff Woody I figure it’s alright if I call myself “Assistant Protector of Bagels Everywhere.”  Just to make everything official, I quickly named my mission “Operation Bagel Snatcher.”

So there’s the bagel, sitting on the table, right in front of a Hungry Hound’s nose.  Just one whiff, and I could practically taste the lightly toasted blueberry delicacy, generously painted with plain cream cheese.  I looked to the left… to the right… Sister Martian was nowhere to be seen!  I was sure she wouldn’t notice if I just took one bite.  I hopped up onto a chair, and then onto the table, and gulped down the bagel.

Suddenly, Sister Martian came running up behind me and tackled me, dragging me down to the floor and into an unwanted hug.  I would have gladly accepted a belly rub if it weren’t for the bagel crumbs that I knew were feeling lonely on top of the table.  As the Assistant Protector of Bagels Everywhere, I knew I couldn’t just leave them behind!  I bolted and made a beeline for the table, but Sister Martian tackled me again and I found myself being carried outside of the house.

Despite my frustration at the failure of Operation Bagel Snatcher, I might have gotten over it if it weren’t for what happened next.  Before my eyes, Cat leaped onto the table, all twenty pounds of her swinging back and forth as she strutted over to my bagel crumbs.  I scratched at the door, hoping that someone would help me stop this Cat in her Crime Against Bagels Everywhere, but nobody would let me inside!

I might have been moping outside all day, but then I saw a WABBIT and I was off and running…


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