Posts Tagged ‘snooze’

When Ants Go Marching

August 19, 2011

Though my Alpha Parents take me for daily W-A-L-K’s and I am frequently allowed to visit the P-A-R-K, sometimes I feel that I have an excess of “alone time.”  I am an introvert, don’t get me wrong, but even a hound who sleeps 21 hours per day gets a little lonely sometimes.  Luckily, I have plenty of nice friends who live nearby, including a family of bunnies and my next-door neighbor, a cat named Sprinkles.  (Okay, Sprinkles isn’t very nice, but I like to have staring contests with her.)  My most recent acquaintance, however, was with a clan of sugar ants.

I think they live somewhere behind the shoe bin, but I’m not quite sure.  They’re not shy, and they often wake up early to greet me during breakfast.  I’ve always been fascinated by their ability to counter surf, a feat that is a bit challenging for me given my height.  Bonding with these sugar ants has not been so difficult given that we have so much in common.  For example, we both despise fruits (especially grapes!) as well as vegetables.  Also, we both frequently find ourselves the subjects of Alpha Mom’s frustration, though none of us have been able to figure out why.

I hope my new friends will decide to stick around for a while.  I quite enjoy sharing my room with them, and am always happy to point them in the direction of the pancake mix.

Heartbroken Hound

July 29, 2011

When Alpha Dad woke me up this morning and asked if I wanted to go to the P-A-R-K this morning, I leapt out of bed and ran straight for the shoe bin.  I’ve been a good boy– I’ve kept the bagel that I’ve been saving for Cassie there all week, and only licked it a couple of times.  I conceal the bagel in my closed mouth so that Alpha Dad won’t see it, and follow him out to the car.

We arrive at the P-A-R-K just as the “No Dogs Allowed” time begins, but I can’t read and neither can the other dogs.  Besides, I’ve never been much of a rules person.  Across the parking lot I spot Cassie walking with her Alpha Mom.  Her Alpha Mom is carrying a frisbie!  Ordinarily, I would rush over to sniff it, but my mouth is too full of bagel to do so today.  Instead, I walk slowly across the parking lot, doing my best to come off as a dignified gentleman.

“Wff!” I attempt to greet Cassie, but it comes out a little muffled.  Cassie doesn’t seem to hear me.  I begin to wabbit run across the parking lot.  I simply can’t contain myself any longer!  I roll dramatically to a stop in front of Cassie and drop the bagel at her feet.  “Woof!” I announce triumphantly.

Cassie eyes the dripping bagel cautiously.  She gives it a little sniff.  C’mon Cassie, pick it up, it’s for you!

“Cassie, come!” orders Cassie’s Alpha Mom.  I’m starting to think that Cassie’s Mom is the Alpha Mom of all Alpha Moms.

Cassie pushes the bagel back toward me with her paw.  “Woof,” she says softly.  Thanks, kid, but I don’t want your doggy bagel.

I sit in the grass, dumbfounded.  Suddenly, I’ve lost my appetite for the bagel.  I watch Cassie and her Alpha Mom proceed through the dewey grass.  I want to take a nap right there by the parking lot, but Alpha Dad is calling me.  I turn to glance at Alpha Dad just in time to see a huge great dane jump over me!

“Arroof!”  Hey, buddy, who do you think you are?  I’m trying to catch some zzzz’s here!  The great dane ignores me, and I watch, horrified, as he runs straight toward Cassie.  “Ahhrooo!” I howl, Look out, Cassie!  But the great dane slows down when he reaches her.  He greets Cassie’s Alpha Mom, who scratches him behind one of his ears.  And then he gives Cassie a gentle nuzzle.  She licks him back.

I can’t believe this.

And this is not over.

Sweet Dreams

July 1, 2011

I spend lots of time sleeping, which means I also spend lots of time dreaming.  Usually I imagine I’m snatching a hot dog or a steak, but as soon as I’ve knocked it off the kitchen table I wake up.  But today I had one of the most incredible dreams ever:

I was at the P-A-R-K with Alpha Dad.  The grass was green and dewey, and I rolled in it for good measure.  There were all sorts of dogs at the P-A-R-K, and I frolicked with some golden retrievers.  When I glanced back for Alpha Dad (even in my dreams, I like to make sure that he hasn’t wandered off and gotten lost), he was deep in conversation with my friends’ Alpha Parents.  I figured he could keep himself occupied for a while, so I started to trot up the hill… and that was when I saw her.

She was the most beautiful dog in the P-A-R-K.  She was slender for a basset hound, with long tan ears that dangled gracefully to the ground.  Her tail wagged a bit when she saw me, and I waddled toward her, thrilled and petrified all at once.  She turned to look at me with her big brown eyes, and I couldn’t resist–I ran up and licked her.

Just then, her Alpha Mom called to her from across the P-A-R-K.

“Cassie!  Cassie, come!”

Cassie!  Ah, if only I could speak!  Cassie, Cassie, Cassie is her name!  My tail was wagging uncontrollably and I was drooling like crazy and then, to my horror, Cassie turned and glided obediently back to her Alpha Mom.

And then, of all the inconvenient moments to wake up, I was pulled back into reality.  Brother Pooch was trying to give me a belly rub, but all I could think about was my stunning new acquaintance.

Alpha Dad’s Day

June 19, 2011

Why does a hound always have to do everything?  Some families remember Alpha Dad Day and make plans to go out to eat or see a movie, but my family is disorganized, which means the entertainment for the day is taking me for a W-A-L-K.  Don’t get me wrong, W-A-L-K’s are the best!  I insist that Alpha Dad take me every night, and if he’s tired I just pout and spill my food everywhere until he realizes who’s boss.  But no hound wants to wake up early on Sunday morning, especially after he had to stay up all night because Sister Martian was having a party.  Those crazy kids were running around and shouting and singing for three whole hours!  I did manage to snatch a pulled pork sandwich, though, and that made up for some of the disturbance.  I had counted on getting to sleep in this morning, but woe is the strenuous life of a basset hound.

Anyways, I’m finally home from a long, hot W-A-L-K and you won’t believe what the plan is for the rest of the day!  Watching the U.S.-Jamaica soccer game with the sound on!  I agree with Alpha Mom on this one– soccer games are best with the sound off.  But as Alpha Mom tried to explain to me, on Alpha Dad Day we have to tolerate the crazy pastimes of our Alpha Dads.  So I’m trying to ignore the obnoxious vavuvalawawas in order to catch some shut-eye under the coffee table.

There should be a day when my whole family celebrates me.  We could call it “Basset’s Day.”  I would even settle for “Woody’s Day.”  There would be a strict no-noise policy, everyone would sleep until 5 p.m., and then I would go for a brisk walk, have a whole steak to myself, and fall asleep.  Heavenly!

In the mean time, though, I’ll have to try to get into the spirit of Alpha Dad’s Day.  I suppose I can sleep in for the rest of the week to make up for the great inconvenience of the game.  And I just know he’s going to love my present: I’ve taken it upon myself to help him with his gardening!

Digging for Treasure: Teen Sister Edition

May 8, 2010

I was home alone.  I was bored.  And Sister Martian’s backpack was so tempting…

At first, I was enchanted by the smell.  It was a delightful blend of a half-eaten turkey sandwich and the zing of soda.  The backpack was unzipped, and I figured that it was my responsibility as Sheriff Bluepaw and the Assistant Protector of Bagels Everywhere to investigate. 

As I discovered, backpacks of teenagers are treasure troves for basset hounds.  Within seconds I had uncovered a blue rectangle with a screen and lots of buttons (which I later learned was called a “cal-Q-later”), as well as a few sheets of paper with scribbles all over them.  I gnawed on the cal-Q-later for a while, but soon realized that the paper with scribbles was much tastier and I demolished that instead.  I finished off my snack with the remains of the turkey sandwich that I found rotting beneath some books.

For some reason, Sister Martian was pretty irritated with me that evening.  She was up really late making funny-looking scribbles on a piece of paper.  (Personally, I think she would have been better off getting some beauty rest, an activity that I have found quite rewarding.)  And you won’t believe this: even though investigating her backpack had been my duty as a loyal basset hound, she was upset with me for eating something that I have never heard of- an “essay-due-tomorrow!”

Bluepaw

April 6, 2010

Many of my fans are probably wondering why some call me “Bluepaw.”  Here is the story…

When you have a sense of smell as acute as mine, you pick up fascinating odors all over the house.  For instance, cell phones give off a pleasant metallic odor (and they crunch nicely between your teeth).  Malt balls have a distinct chocolatey scent that can even be detected when they are hidden in plastic Easter eggs.  As I discovered one day, pens also have attractive scents.

I was lying in the middle of the living room.  None of my family was around, and truth be told, I was one bored hound dog.  I caught the scent of ink, and soon I had dug through the magazines on the coffee table with my nose and located a pen.  When you have massive paws, removing the cap of a pen is a little tricky, so I gripped the pen between my paws and chomped.

Eventually, I got sick of chewing on the pen and left its remains in the middle of the living room.  I wandered through the house, going about my business.  You know, sniffing Cat, snoozing, watching the squirrels in the neighbor’s yard, and snoozing.  Eventually, my family returned and Sister Fairy bent down to give me a belly rub.  I rolled over, but she caught one of my paws.

“Woody,” I recall her telling me, “your paws are blue!  What have you been up to?”

I looked at my paws in horror.  What indignity!  A Basset Hound with blue paws?  I would never live this one down.  I tried to lick the ink out of my white fur, but it was too late.  The ink was dry.  Since then, “Bluepaw” has become a sort of nickname for me around the house.  It’s not like my siblings have never gotten ink on themselves!  But everyone seems to think it’s funny when a Basset Hound dyes himself blue… but that’s the story.

Spring Break Woes

April 1, 2010

Today, I was hoping to get some beauty rest as usual while my siblings were at school.  Unfortunately for me, their spring break has begun, which is anything but a break for a basset hound who requires 22 hours of sleep per night!  Brother Pooch, Sister Martian, and Sister Fairy were all home today and kept me awake with their activities.

Around nine in the morning, all of my siblings came downstairs for breakfast.  I don’t have an alarm clock by my dog bed, but the toaster is just as efficient.  I was so groggy that I didn’t even want a bagel!  Then, my siblings turned on the television to watch game shows.  All of that clapping and the bright lights that illuminate the living room are enough to drive a hound dog crazy!

I tried to go back to my bed to escape the noise, only to find Cat sleeping there.  I walked right up to her and prodded her with my nose, but that Cat just rolled onto her back as though she were waiting for me to give her a belly rub!  Eventually, Cat took the hint and left, but now my bed reeks of Cat.  I even found a whisker lying there.  Yuck!

Brother Pooch was talking to me about Easter while he scratched behind my ears this afternoon.  I didn’t understand much of what he said, except for something about a bunny, which I know is synonymous with WABBIT!  A real-life WABBIT in the house- I can’t wait!  That’s going to be the best game of Chase ever!!!

Alpha Track Dog

March 28, 2010

Once, I saw a movie about a dog who was a total loser until he joined a basketball team and BAM he was famous!  If that’s all it takes to get some attention, I should be in the newspaper for joining the girls’ track team this morning at the P-A-R-K.

I was hanging out with some of my Basset buddies this morning.  You know, sniffing together, taking power naps together.  Basset Hounds are the most dignified breed at the P-A-R-K, but sometimes they just aren’t active enough for me.  This morning, I was up for a challenge.  And then I saw just the opportunity to show the world just how speedy a Basset Hound can be!  The girls’ track team was sprinting across the park, and I sped over to give track a try.

Girls’ track is harder than it looks.  I plunged into the middle of the pack, only to have my tail stepped on with someone’s muddy shoe!  Plus, my ears aren’t very aerodynamic.  But as I discovered, I have a real talent for running downhill.  I was Alpha Speed-Demon Dog, especially when I led the pack across a pool of mud at the bottom of the hill.  (Can you believe it?  Girls don’t like to play in the mud!)

Just as we were approaching a steep hill, I thought about my Basset Hound friends who were enjoying their power nap.  Who needs up-hills, anyways?  I took a cool-down trot back to my friends and collapsed in the grass.  The way I see it, if a Hound has to run up-hill to be a celebrity, then fame is definitely not worth it.

Family Movie Night

March 26, 2010

Friday nights are one of the best times to be a Basset Hound.  On Fridays, my whole family comes home for dinner and then we watch a movie in the Living Room.  Well, I don’t actually watch the movie, but I like to sleep in front of the television because I can always count on somebody to come over and give me a belly rub.

Whenever Alpha Dad picks the movie, we can always count on a Western.  Lots of noisy guys run around the screen on horses, disrupting my beauty sleep with their gunfighting.  But what I dislike the most about Westerns is that there are never any Bassets in them!  I suppose my fellow Hounds aren’t exactly built for the desert, but it would be nice to see Hollywood have a Hound sleeping on a porch or riding in a covered wagon.  As a true Arkansas Hound Dog, I would much rather watch a “Southern.”

Even though the movie selection is rarely good, I can always count on one of my siblings to bring Big Blue down from the attic.  Big Blue is the biggest, stinkiest, warmest sleeping bag ever!  The whole thing is coated with dog hair, and everyone knows that when Big Blue is in front of the television, it is my territory.  Sometimes, when the movie is really awful, I role over onto my back and fall asleep that way, a surefire tactic for getting a belly rub.

But the very best thing about Family Movie Night is the popcorn!  Alpha Mom makes terrific popcorn and puts a large bowl of it on the floor.  It’s like drivethrough, being able to walk by and snatch a few pieces when nobody is looking.  Once, I accidentally knocked over the bowl, and Alpha Mom attacked all of us with a monster called “Vackyoom.”  So I try not to spill the popcorn anymore.

Someday, I would like to be a Hollywood Hound.  I could have my own trailer and Milk Bones delivered to me on set.  I could star alongside  screen favorites like Winn Dixie and Marley, or maybe even Lassie!  And maybe I could be in a romance with a cute Lady Hound…


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