You’ve heard it a million times before: “Dogs are man’s best friend.” But have you ever heard “Man is dog’s best friend?” No, you haven’t. And it might have something to do with my exclusion from the 2010 U.S. Census.
This evening, Alpha Mom was filling out the Census form. At the dinner table, she went from person to person, double-checking birthdays. But Alpha Mom never asked me when I was born! On the Census form, they ask for all kinds of information, like race and telephone number. But no where on that sheet do they ask about Man’s Best Friend. Shouldn’t Man’s Best Friend be important enough to appear on the Census sheet along with Man’s Family?
Well, I don’t feel like walking all the way to my senator’s office right now, so here is how I would fill out the 2010 Census if humans had the sense to include Basset Hounds:
1. How many people are living in your house? 1 Hound. Oh, and 5 people. And Cat.
2. Are there any other people living in your house who you didn’t include in Question 1? No. I answered the question right the first time.
3. What’s the deal with the rent/mortgage/loans on your home? I don’t know. Basset Hounds don’t sweat the small stuff.
4. What’s your telephone number? I only give that out to cute Lady Hounds.
5. What is your name? Woody.
6. What’s your sex? I am a MALE Hound Dog. I have never met a Lady Hound named “Woody,” but who knows, maybe there’s one out there?
7. How old are you? Five in human years. Dog years involve too much math for me, so you Census People can mess with the multiplication.
8. Are you of Hispanic/Latino/Spanish origin? I’m Arkansas-ian. Does that count?
9. What is your race? Like I said, I am an Arkansas Hound Dog.
10. Do you live or stay somewhere else? No, though I wouldn’t mind living at the P-A-R-K.
Like I said, it’s a long walk to the senator’s office. But if you feel like dropping off my Census, I would appreciate it!