Posts Tagged ‘alpha mom’

When Ants Go Marching

August 19, 2011

Though my Alpha Parents take me for daily W-A-L-K’s and I am frequently allowed to visit the P-A-R-K, sometimes I feel that I have an excess of “alone time.”  I am an introvert, don’t get me wrong, but even a hound who sleeps 21 hours per day gets a little lonely sometimes.  Luckily, I have plenty of nice friends who live nearby, including a family of bunnies and my next-door neighbor, a cat named Sprinkles.  (Okay, Sprinkles isn’t very nice, but I like to have staring contests with her.)  My most recent acquaintance, however, was with a clan of sugar ants.

I think they live somewhere behind the shoe bin, but I’m not quite sure.  They’re not shy, and they often wake up early to greet me during breakfast.  I’ve always been fascinated by their ability to counter surf, a feat that is a bit challenging for me given my height.  Bonding with these sugar ants has not been so difficult given that we have so much in common.  For example, we both despise fruits (especially grapes!) as well as vegetables.  Also, we both frequently find ourselves the subjects of Alpha Mom’s frustration, though none of us have been able to figure out why.

I hope my new friends will decide to stick around for a while.  I quite enjoy sharing my room with them, and am always happy to point them in the direction of the pancake mix.

Tell-a-fone

August 5, 2011

I am confused.  Alpha Dad was supposedly gone for the weekend (but no worries, he’s back from his trip now!!!), but on Friday night I think he was hiding inside of this tasty doggy-bone-shaped thingy that Alpha Mom calls a “tell-a-fone.”  I was sitting by the window, waiting for Alpha Dad to come home in the No Dogs Allowed Car.  Alpha Mom was calling to me from the kitchen, but I decided to ignore her.

Alpha Mom got really obnoxious.  She started clapping her hands and whistling.  The great thing about having big ears is that they’re like built-in ear muffs that block out all the noise.  But then I heard something really amazing!  Maybe I mad missed Alpha Dad coming home because I heard his voice from the kitchen!  I trotted into the kitchen, hoping for a belly rub.  But Alpha Dad was nowhere to be seen!  I sniffed around and was quite positive that Alpha Dad was not in the room.

“Woody!”  I heard Alpha Dad calling me, but I didn’t know which way to run.  “What’s up, Woody?”  There was the voice again!  I started running in circles, racing through the house and completely unable to control myself.  Alpha Dad has to be around here somewhere!  I know that’s him talking, I just know it!

There are a lot of things about this world that I will never understand.  The tell-a-fone is one of them.

Heartbroken Hound

July 29, 2011

When Alpha Dad woke me up this morning and asked if I wanted to go to the P-A-R-K this morning, I leapt out of bed and ran straight for the shoe bin.  I’ve been a good boy– I’ve kept the bagel that I’ve been saving for Cassie there all week, and only licked it a couple of times.  I conceal the bagel in my closed mouth so that Alpha Dad won’t see it, and follow him out to the car.

We arrive at the P-A-R-K just as the “No Dogs Allowed” time begins, but I can’t read and neither can the other dogs.  Besides, I’ve never been much of a rules person.  Across the parking lot I spot Cassie walking with her Alpha Mom.  Her Alpha Mom is carrying a frisbie!  Ordinarily, I would rush over to sniff it, but my mouth is too full of bagel to do so today.  Instead, I walk slowly across the parking lot, doing my best to come off as a dignified gentleman.

“Wff!” I attempt to greet Cassie, but it comes out a little muffled.  Cassie doesn’t seem to hear me.  I begin to wabbit run across the parking lot.  I simply can’t contain myself any longer!  I roll dramatically to a stop in front of Cassie and drop the bagel at her feet.  “Woof!” I announce triumphantly.

Cassie eyes the dripping bagel cautiously.  She gives it a little sniff.  C’mon Cassie, pick it up, it’s for you!

“Cassie, come!” orders Cassie’s Alpha Mom.  I’m starting to think that Cassie’s Mom is the Alpha Mom of all Alpha Moms.

Cassie pushes the bagel back toward me with her paw.  “Woof,” she says softly.  Thanks, kid, but I don’t want your doggy bagel.

I sit in the grass, dumbfounded.  Suddenly, I’ve lost my appetite for the bagel.  I watch Cassie and her Alpha Mom proceed through the dewey grass.  I want to take a nap right there by the parking lot, but Alpha Dad is calling me.  I turn to glance at Alpha Dad just in time to see a huge great dane jump over me!

“Arroof!”  Hey, buddy, who do you think you are?  I’m trying to catch some zzzz’s here!  The great dane ignores me, and I watch, horrified, as he runs straight toward Cassie.  “Ahhrooo!” I howl, Look out, Cassie!  But the great dane slows down when he reaches her.  He greets Cassie’s Alpha Mom, who scratches him behind one of his ears.  And then he gives Cassie a gentle nuzzle.  She licks him back.

I can’t believe this.

And this is not over.

Who Says Bassets Can’t Crochet?

July 8, 2011

Sometimes, it gets a little boring being a basset hound.  My family goes outside to garden, and I’m left inside with only the cat to keep me company.  (I’d rather have no company at all, she’s really bosy.)  So the other day I figured I’d take up a hobby.  After all, each person in my family has a hobby.  Brother Pooch likes to practice playing his vavuvalawawa.  Sister Fairy bakes cookies, which I am sometimes lucky enough to snatch.  Sister Martian likes to drive the car into the garage– she does it all the time, but I’ve never been able to figure out why she likes to do it so much.  Alpha Mom sings, and she’s pretty good, especially when she sings about the lion that sleeps tonight (I can sympathize!).  However, I like Alpha Dad’s hobby best of all because his hobby is giving me attention.

Anyways, I was lying in the middle of the living room with nothing to do.  And all of a sudden I noticed that there was a ball of yellow yarn on the coffee table right in front of me!  I remembered how Sister Martian was… crocheting?  Is that the word? …this morning, and I thought, “If she can do it, so can I!”  I couldn’t find that funny metal stick thing that she was using, but I figured if I just gave the yarn ball a good chewing, my teeth could be just as efficient.

As it turned out, I was really talented at this crocheting business.  Before long, I had covered the entire living room with yellow yarn!  I figured, why would an adventurous basset hound want to take on a small project when he could take on a big project?  I made sure every inch of carpet was yellow, but I still felt like my project was missing something.

And then I had the most incredible idea.  There, on the coffee table, was a blue metal object.  It looked a little bit like a computer, except that it was much smaller and instead of letters it had numbers on the keys.  But most importantly, it was shiny!  I jumped as high as I could and knocked the device onto the carpet.  I gave it a few good chomps and spread the pieces around the living room to adorn my crochet project.  I knew my family would be impressed!

Sure enough, when Sister Martian walked into the living room later that day, she stared at my creation for a really long time.  I think she was awstruck by the force of beauty before her.  And then she told our Alpha Parents to come and have a look, and they stared at my project for a really long time, too.  Before long, my entire family was standing in the living room, admiring the work of their talented hound.

Alpha Dad’s Day

June 19, 2011

Why does a hound always have to do everything?  Some families remember Alpha Dad Day and make plans to go out to eat or see a movie, but my family is disorganized, which means the entertainment for the day is taking me for a W-A-L-K.  Don’t get me wrong, W-A-L-K’s are the best!  I insist that Alpha Dad take me every night, and if he’s tired I just pout and spill my food everywhere until he realizes who’s boss.  But no hound wants to wake up early on Sunday morning, especially after he had to stay up all night because Sister Martian was having a party.  Those crazy kids were running around and shouting and singing for three whole hours!  I did manage to snatch a pulled pork sandwich, though, and that made up for some of the disturbance.  I had counted on getting to sleep in this morning, but woe is the strenuous life of a basset hound.

Anyways, I’m finally home from a long, hot W-A-L-K and you won’t believe what the plan is for the rest of the day!  Watching the U.S.-Jamaica soccer game with the sound on!  I agree with Alpha Mom on this one– soccer games are best with the sound off.  But as Alpha Mom tried to explain to me, on Alpha Dad Day we have to tolerate the crazy pastimes of our Alpha Dads.  So I’m trying to ignore the obnoxious vavuvalawawas in order to catch some shut-eye under the coffee table.

There should be a day when my whole family celebrates me.  We could call it “Basset’s Day.”  I would even settle for “Woody’s Day.”  There would be a strict no-noise policy, everyone would sleep until 5 p.m., and then I would go for a brisk walk, have a whole steak to myself, and fall asleep.  Heavenly!

In the mean time, though, I’ll have to try to get into the spirit of Alpha Dad’s Day.  I suppose I can sleep in for the rest of the week to make up for the great inconvenience of the game.  And I just know he’s going to love my present: I’ve taken it upon myself to help him with his gardening!

Friend of the Birds

April 9, 2010

Recently, Alpha Mom took me to the P-A-R-K.  The P-A-R-K is supposed to be a place where dog lovers can let their dogs off the leash, but the village isn’t so big on this.  Someone set up no-dog hours, and if a Basset tries to go for a walk during these hours, he has to be on a leash.  Whoever set up the no-dog hours is first and foremost about as low as Cat in my book.  He or she is extremely foolish, because they forgot one key detail about Basset Hounds: we can’t read the “No Dogs” signs.

It was a lovely Saturday evening, mildly warm with a thin breeze.  And of course, I couldn’t read the “No Dogs” sign.  A wedding reception was underway on the P-A-R-K patio, and while the scents were delicious, I knew better than to interrupt the party.  Innocently off-leash, I trotted through the grass. 

BIRD!

Only the scent of a WABBIT is more captivating than that of Bird.  I buried my nose in the grass, searching for my nearby playmate.  And then I saw him, wandering around in the grass.  He was just a little thing, with light brown wings and beedlike eyes.  I gave him a warning “woof” and the chase was on.  The bird hopped around to the other side of the patio, and I followed at rabbit run speed.  I wanted to catch the bird as soon as possible, lest it fly away.

Reader, you must understand, I am a playful hound.  I do not eat birds like some malicious breeds, rather, I corner my playmate, take a big whiff, and I move on to other scents.  The bird must have known this, because it stayed on the ground, hobbling around in front of me.  I took a few steps forward, and soon I had the bird trapped between my paws.

“Someone stop him!  Stop the dog!  He’s hurting the injured bird!”  A crowd of wedding-goers was watching me from the patio now.  I couldn’t understand what they were saying, but I figured it must have something to do with cheering me on.  Just to get the crowd going, I let the bird go.  He raced off into the grass, and I followed.  After a few laps around the patio, I cornered him again.

“Come here, doggie doggie!  Leave the bird alone!”  I glanced at the bird between my paws.  He was a timid little guy, and petrified with fright.  I took a step back, but he just stood there like some sort of lawn statue.

“Woof,” I said.  “I won’t hurt you.  I just want to sniff you.”

“He killed the bird!  Oh my god, someone stop that dog!  Wait, the bird isn’t dead yet!  Somebody save the bird!”  From the increased volume of the cheers, I figured I must be some sort of celebrity amongst these wedding-goers.  Perhaps they had all read my blog?  I decided to take the opportunity to show off my muscular build and glossy coat, so I began to strut around the bird.

I was enjoying my moment in the spotlight, but just then Alpha Mom marched out onto the grass and grabbed my collar.  Apparently she could read the “No Dogs” sign.  I squirmed backwards and tried to pull off “no go,” but I was too late.  Alpha Mom steered me down the path and into the P-A-R-K, where a plethora of scents awaited me.

Treasure Hunting at the P-A-R-K

March 30, 2010

I was out for a trot at the P-A-R-K when I caught a whiff of the most incredible scent!  I buried my nose in the grass and followed the trail to a chicken bone rotting on the ground beneath a bush.  I lay down beneath the bush and began chomping on my treasure.  Unfortunately, just as I was starting to devour my delicacy, Alpha Mom called me from the path.

It’s not every day that a hound dog comes across something this yummy.  I couldn’t just leave the bone until the next morning.  What if another dog found it?  I grimace at the thought of a poodle taking my chicken bone.  This left only one solution: I would have to take the chicken bone home with me.

I heard Alpha Mom approaching from behind me.  For some reason, she doesn’t share my enthusiasm for buried treasure.  But this chicken bone was special and I wasn’t going to let her take it from me!  I gulped up the bone and managed to bury it in my mouth.  The bone didn’t quite fit between my teeth, but I figured it wouldn’t matter because the bone still fit inside of my cheeks.  With the bone safely wedged in my mouth, I spun around and ran back toward Alpha Mom.

Alpha Mom reached down to pet me, and I thought that I might be lucky enough to get a belly rub right here in the middle of the P-A-R-K!  Unfortunately for me, Alpha Mom had her own agenda.  She pulled me toward her and placed her hands on the sides of my face, just behind where I was sure the chicken bone was safely concealed.  Alpha Mom pulled her hands forward across my cheeks and out popped the chicken bone!  I have no idea how she saw it.  I mean, I guess my cheeks must have looked pretty funny with the bone wedged inside, but I thought I had been pretty sneaky hiding it in my mouth.

Here’s the good news: Alpha Mom made me leave the chicken bone behind in the P-A-R-K, but I’ll bet that tomorrow I can get back on the scent and find it again…


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